Within our natural need to establish intimate relationships, erotica is a common topic that we think about.
A lot of people keep their erotic fantasies to themselves out of fear of misunderstanding, contempt or any other negative reactions from their surroundings. However, they are a completely natural phenomenon – if anyone says they don’t have any, they’re lying.
And when our fantasising falls into the category of things we perceive as not normal, we may feel like absolute deviants.
However, we assure you that there’s nothing wrong with sexual fantasies. Not even the perverse ones. It is a natural part of our life.
The fact that we have them doesn’t necessarily mean that we want to act on them. Oftentimes, they are a portal towards understanding our non-sexual emotions we need to deal with.
Therefore, every fantasy has a non-erotic subtext that is worth thinking about.
1. Multiple partners at once
It is the most common erotic fantasy of all. With time, threesomes are becoming more popular than ever – more and more couples and friends with benefits are inviting a third person to their bed. If there are more than three people involved, we’re talking about orgies.
When writing his book Tell Me What You Want, Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist, asked 4 175 Americans about their opinion on threesomes. 89 % of them confessed that they, in fact, fantasize about threesomes.
To provide a non-sexual explanation of this fantasy, it could be a need to be the center of the attention and a desired subject of several people at once. For example, if a woman fantasizes about having sex with two men, she could find having an indispensable value and importance exciting.
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2. Dominant or rough sex
Rough sex is usually agresive, wild and maybe even a bit violent. It is perceived as a more passionate type of sex, however it could also be linked to abuse.
Often, BDSM involves rough sex and revolves around bondage, discipline, dominance, submissiveness, sadism and masochism. This sexual practice is generally considered to be atypical, therefore you might be surprised by the portion of people fantasizing about it.
Let’s refer to the study again. 93 % women and 81 % men out of 4 175 fantasize about having sex when they’re under absolute control of another person.
85 % men and 76 % dream about being in the dominant position themselves.
If you have this kind of fantasies, it doesn’t mean that you’re weak or that your partner is superior to you. These fantasies rather point out to the need to gain control over personal or working life, eventually the role in society.
3. Voyeurism and exhibicionism
A voyeur is somebody who is excited when they have the opportunity to watch an unsuspecting person when indulging in erotic activities.
A 1991 smaller-scope study found out that 54 % of men have voyeuristic fantasies and a 2006 Swedish study asked 2 450 adults whether they have experience with voyeurism. 7.7 % of respondents confessed that they had the opportunity to watch other people have sex – and that they were excited about it.
Exhibicionism is on the other side of the coin and in this case, a person feels horny when they’re thinking about being watched during sex or when revealing their genitals to unknown people.
However, beware if you want to turn these fantasies into reality, because you could get in trouble. It’s illegal to watch or tape anyone when having sex without having their consent – the same goes for revealing yourself in the public as well.
4. Public sex
This fantasy also falls into the category of exhibitionism. Within the same study that we cite in case of having sex with multiple partners and BDSM, the social psychologist Lehmiller also focused on public sex. He found out that 81 % of men and 84 % have a erotic fantasy that is related to it.
If you’ve ever had sex in a house where you were a guest, you can surely confirm that the thought of getting caught is very exciting.
Roleplay is another very common erotic fantasy – what is it about?
You take on another identity. For example, you can put on a wig or dress as a doctor, police officer or teacher. Dressing up as someone else or having sex with someone who did it can be really exciting to you.
There are not a lot of studies that would monitor the frequency of this fantasy.
6. Romantic sex
Approximately 85 % of women fantasise about having sex in a sensual environemnt like a desserted beach. It’s not only about the fact that there’s a huge emphasis on romance in a lot of books and movies, however it’s true that in case of women, emotional factors are a very important part of erotic fantasies.
Romantic sex is different from all of the other sexual fantasies, because there’s not a specified definition for it – what one person can find romantic and exciting, could be boring and uninteresting for another.
Tantric sex is connected to this fantasy. It’s not focused on having an orgasm only, but its goal is to pay full attention to the entire sexual experience and any feelings that it could bring.
7. Erotic experience with the same gender
Finally, let’s talk about the fantasy that is one of the most controversial of all – especially when it comes to men.
If you’re fantasizing about sex with the same gender, it doesn’t have to mean that you’re homosexual.
The results of the Lehmiller’s study confirmed that 59 % of women regularly fantasize about having sex with another woman. Men are often not that knowledgeable when it comes to the female body, making them unable to recognize what makes them feel good and what not. However, women understand themselves mutually which is probably the main reason this fantasy exists. It’s about experiencing pure pleasure without the fear of somebody touching you in areas you don’t find comfortable.
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